Ramakins Vs. Half-Bowls

lizardine

2005-06-30T10:02:00.000-07:00

condensed heat has been sending all skin into a dribbling sticky ecstatic frenzy and it takes every resource the body has to stand, to think-communicate? we've been doing quite Well i would say but it's all a bit precarious, gills fluttering in the wind, at least we're getting enough oxygen. Money is really rather tragic, especially our lack of it, and especially, Especially, this prospect of the future wherein we fight the elements every day (this heat, the subsequent cold, our lack of directed parenting (haha, not true)) only to sell this packaged commodity of ourselves.
but it's alright because there ain't nothing else to do and i'm rather attached to this world and its frivolity.
at the base of it each moment seems to be rather pleasant, or at least every other moment, and this time to be entirely fascinated by my dreams is more than i'd ever hoped for.
-adrienne

Home, is where i want to be.

2005-06-18T19:17:00.000-07:00

Well, it's been a little while since either of us have posted, alots been going on, the end of classes and the trip back to the east. Now me and Adrienne are back in Vermont, we're staying with her parents for the rest of the month then moving in with A's friend Mindy for the summer. In the meantime we're just gonna relax and settle back into civilian life, no more papers to write, dorm rooms to while away in, or silly freshmen to deal with. A and I are gonna find some summer work and i'm gonna try to get into Concordia for winter quarter. You can expect more posts as soon as we get settled back in, providing i can get A. to use the internet and stop playing sims 2 for a few minutes.

another friday?

2005-05-27T14:58:00.000-07:00

Olympia will always be a sunny half-world. It seems to have been created out of the mind of a deranged easterner--someone yearning for wet warmth and overgrowth, scared of the endless expanses of the midwest and so decided to erect all these stripmalls and concrete abberations.
However, I seem to be catching up. The safe serenity of smoking a pipe in this tiny messy cream-colored room, stumbling down the hall to the bathroom, which is entirely coated in the overflow of human bodies, and I wonder to myself, will there someday be a me who couldn't stand these living conditions? Will I someday be a person who can keep money in the bank, who can vaccuum twice weekly?
It's a relief to be here with Tanner. To be mesmerized by the skin on his back and to take drives along these circular western roads, but I know we both yearn for new england. How solid the trees, there, the ones that know their place and grow only so tall. Will I miss all the mid-day sunshowers?
-Adrienne

2005-05-11T13:09:00.000-07:00

Where is A? i need my pretty bird to sit with me on this lonely branch.

Found on a little scrap of Notebook paper

2005-05-09T22:46:00.000-07:00

Smoke rolls
around your tongue
like copper trees
on a bright
summer day
warm metal
on your
shiny scales
you frighten
the fish
away.
you frighten me
too.

-t

eat my muffinhead

2005-05-09T22:17:00.000-07:00

I'm climbing into my father's car today and it's humid. When he's upset this cold steam rises from his shoulders and pollutes the air, but he never says anything. I ask him, "Are you unhappy?" and he says no, shrugs it off, makes small talk, until the, "well I'm a little disappointed you didn't tell me you were going away this week."
And he tells me all these things about myself and people and relationships. How there are always cracks between people and a central relationship is one part of your life, but if you spend all your time trying to pave over the cracks and make one relationship perfect you won't have time for any other parts.
I'm full of righteous indignation, as usual when someone tries to oppose my view of my future, but I can't help but think
I am just like everyone else. If I've learned anything it's that what I ever have to struggle with is the same thing billions have struggled with before me. I am effected and controlled by the same electrical impulses, by the same synapses, the same hormones as all the human race. To follow my own passions, even in relationships, perhaps it's useless. passions have been done before, right? Have they always failed unless needlessly tempered?
My father's psychology analogies have permeated my thinking. Where I used to see the searching squid tentacles of common interest/liking reaching out between people I now see cement sidewalks, broken during the thaw.
I've thrown carpets over some of the cracks in the sidewalk squares, and i'm trying to pad lightly so i don't sink in, but I've only got a little bit of cement and I'm gonna keep trying to make this one square perfect.
cause astroturf too fuckin' expensive
-adrienne, 1:45 a.m. aprox. 47 hrs until return to wa. smoked: yes. tired: no. harmless: tonight.

2005-05-09T13:10:00.000-07:00

Ok, a few weeks ago i went and saw Deerhoof at the Eagles Club here in Olympia, and afterwords we went to eat at the Ribeye, which is like a local all night diner, and Deerhoof was there too (that's Slim Moon on the right). So i talked to them a bit, and they let me take a few pictures. I've got a crapload more if anyone wants to see them. They were amazing live. Nice people too.

Wolf thighs

2005-05-07T15:28:00.000-07:00

Went to see Wolf Eyes last night @ Chop Suey, opening for DJ Spooky... which was kind of a strange combination... Got to spend a few hours before the show with Nate, Eric and their new guy (from Hair Police) Conley (not in the picture... that's just a friend.) Eric Olsen's pretty funny, he seemed like an old school coke fag, in the best way, and Nate just seemed like a zombie, but from what i've been told, he's usually quite congenial. Conley was a ball of energy, kind of reminded me of my uncle steve.... Either way they were all really nice guys to talk to, and i was able to get a copy of Nest Material's Album to them, and they seemed genuinly interested in giving it a listen... so Great! The show was intense, my first time seeing them, they were quite a bit different on stage than back, screaming, pumping their fists, and put on a better show than i was honnestly expecting - they kept me interested with their textures, and the pure heaviness of their crushing sound had me mesmurized - i can't say it was the best show i've seen in a while, but it was definatly one of the most interesting, and memorable experiences.

Album of the Week

2005-05-06T13:15:00.000-07:00

Nagisa Ni Te's newest offering is this 40 minute ep Dream Sounds, which by most standards is called a full length, but concidering this Tokyo duo's propesity for long minimalist Neil Young inspired guitar passages forty minutes for four tracks is definatly an EP.
This album is the soundtrack for those first weeks of summer, before it gets too hectic with all our over ambitions summer plans, and before the heat get's to be the reason for staying indoors nursing the air conditioner... the songs are warm and inviting, hinting a certain feeling of early 70's folk, (think Neil, CSNY...) mixed with an ultra modern international aestetic and retro revisionism, a la Phoenix's first album (not there second, OC inspired asswash.) but not so much that it s(l)ickens.
On the contrary, Nagisa Ni Te are first and formost ernest and honnest with these songs. They delightfully blend jangling pop, soft strummed long burners, brief shimmering disonance and quiet clean staccato leads, with heartfelt, plain sung lyrics, into the sublime and temperate.

By the end Dream Sounds leaves us feeling like the summer may last forever, and that we may have the time we need to enjoy it, providing we press play again.

Adrienne onboard

2005-05-05T10:18:00.000-07:00

Here I am, writing in Tanner's blog almost as if I am insinuating myself into his brain! Now my thoughts are your thoughts, m'dear, and there ain't nothing you can do about it.
Spent more time in bed this morning resetting my alarm than I did sleeping. The dozing off was continual until I had a dream in which Tanner told me he'd made out with that girl who asked him out on a date a few days ago.
Made out. That's not the right term for this, too positive. He could make out with me (and does!) but with another girl it would be...let's just call it Lip Mashing and Grinding.
But that didn't really happen so let's not dwell.
The sun is far too bright today, I step outside and the sun can see the dirt beneath my fingernails, my dry cracked lips sucking on that cigarette because I Am An Addict. I am sending myself off into this sunny whirlpool of Feminine wiles and temper tantrums, heading south and already I'm throwing a fit in my mind.
I begin to think, perhaps the only way for a person to ever feel powerful in this world is to acknowledge to oneself that one has the ability to inflict serious pain onto others.
Would feeling powerful diminish the need to rage at others?
My anthropomorphized sun is rage. It bathes me in warmth, and just when I'm rolling around naked, it tears me apart. Others can SEE you, it tells me. Others can see you, are you prepared for that possibility?

Up all night... Son of a....

2005-05-05T08:42:00.000-07:00

Bitch. Should not have done this. Now i've got three pages to write, seminar, no sleep and a wicked inferiority complex. I did try to sleep, i really did, but right around the time i was finally blinking out the kid in the dorm next to me's alarm clock started blaring, and didn't stop till around 8am, when i finally got up and went into his room to strangle him with its cord. No luck, he wasn't even in his room... Eh. gotta go for a walk before class, get some coffee, get some eggs or something to eat for fucksake. i think i'm loosing weight again. I think i need to stop listening to Songs: Ohia when i get up in the morning, Didn't it Rain, kind of puts a shade on the whole day. ABBA, that... that would do it i bet, that'll give me a kick in the ass for sure.

Have fun at your sis's A. bring me back a puppy or snowglobe, either one.

Awaiting A

2005-05-04T20:54:00.000-07:00

So A. has decided to grace this blog with her wit and observations, i'm expecting the next post to be one of her's...

2005-05-04T20:16:00.000-07:00

Here i am at denny's debating if i've done enough research to justify making another phone call.

Nest Material

2005-05-04T19:51:00.000-07:00

Ok, so if i didn't mention it before, i'm mentioning it now - i play keys and make noise in a band called Nest Material, it's been my pet project for about a year now and our first official album is coming out in a few weeks and should be available at Aquarius Records (.org) Mike and Ben are putting the finishing touches on the mix and getting the packaging together, i so wish i were back on the east coast to help out with something, i feel so useless here. But anyway, here's a link to Ben's Live Journal
You can find a link there to one of the finished tracks, called "all howling dogs and bird sounds" if you're into the whole free noise / psych / folk scene that's going around like the bird flu than this is right up your ally, and since we're out of Vermont, we're technically on the cutting edge of it all. So yeah, catch the wave dood.

So i had this dream...

2005-05-03T14:01:00.000-07:00

And it woke me up, i guess, cause i got up and typed it on my computer and i had completely forgotten about it till noticed i had emailed myself today after class... i don't remember any of this which is what makes it kind of funny, the details anyway, but if anyone has any idea what they think it means let me know.

...had a dream that i was watching a threes company episode, and it segways in as jack and a buddy are at like a fancy seafood restaurant and are paying, and the waiter says that'll be 200dollars, an jack goes to pay but the other guy says, no no, i'm a member, i'll handle this, and gets jack a discount, then i walk by and it's my show now, and i'm feeling nervous cause it's real fancy, i find a seat, and i'm meeting adrienne there but she's not here yet so i sit, and i feel uncomfortable the waitress isn't coming yet, and i notice there is another restaurant along the same boardwalk, so i get up and walk down, and it's a chain streak restaurant like, outback, and i look at the menu, and i'm about to sit down here instead when i notice adriennes mother is the server here, and i get really embarassed for her and sneek back to my seat...

So i said Bring it, and she said....

2005-05-02T19:19:00.000-07:00

So i told Natalie to go fuck herself today, felt good, real good. she kind of flinched, and asked me what i said, and i looked her straight in the face and said "Go. Fuck. Yourself. Natalie." she kind of stuttered something and then zipped off. Though afterwords i had the shakes a bit, i tried to figure out why that was and came to the conclusion that no matter how much i hate a person, how badly i want to hurt them, i will always end up wondering if i could have done something differently. Which i suppose is true, i could have been the bigger person and just let things go but i've had about enough of that bitch's fuckery. I've had to sit quietly for the past six months and watch her slowly drag A. down with her guilt trips and insensativity. She only cares about herself, and her standing in what i can only imagine what she perceives as the "scene" here. Reguardless of all that, she could be fucking hitler, and i'd leave her be, but that she's hurt A. i can't leave alone. So here's a bad picture of that stupid stupid girl, and a big fuck you to boot. eat shit and die natalie.
(Ok, i edited out the picture at A's request. which is to bad, it was a doozy.)

Sunday Evenings...

2005-05-01T19:34:00.000-07:00

Are probably the worst. School in the morning, gotta get to bed on time, finish up that homework you started friday after class but promptly abandoned in order to begin filling your head with all those unessesary extravagances, take that shower, shave those whiskers, find something clean to wear, or more likely find something that doesn't smell like ass. get rid of all those empty packs of cigarettes (did i really smoke this many in three days?) refile the vinyl, check the new baggage under your eyes, reaccess your mental state, (yeah, ok i ready for another week of this...)

And in my case, pine for the warm lap of a certain special girl to rest my aching head on, who's tiny fingers will rake all the impurities out of my mind.

missing you A.

Saturday afternoons...

2005-04-30T17:40:00.000-07:00

Those were the worst, cartoons were over and that ment that it was Bob Villa, golf and news for the rest of the weekend. Dad was at work, but mom worked nights, so she was getting up soon, and she'd be saying any minute now some variation on the following; "clean up the Cinamon Toast Crunch all over the floor", "go get changed out of your PJ's," "Go play outside, it's beautiful out.", "I said clean up the floor!" or "Pick up your socks!"

Then one day i discovered that if i got up early enough on school days i could catch an hour of cartoons that would come on between rush limbaugh and the morning news, man i was so there. usually it was Ducktales. I would sit patiently through Rush, trying to comprehend why it was exactly that he was sweating like that. I never figured it out, but i watched him intently most mornings knowing intuitivly that i must be watching some sort of special brodcast intented for my parents eyes only. Not long after that i started to sneek back downstairs after i was sent to bed and hide behind the couch so i could listen to my parents talk about what i assumed was their plans to rule the world.
They never really said much to each other though, infact, i don't think they ever talked to each other after me and my sister went to bed, they're jobs were done, nuff said i suppose. Some nights i would just fall alseep behind the couch, it was nice cause my back was right up against the register.

2005-04-30T17:25:00.000-07:00

Eric getting in the zone w/ A's Mandolin

2005-04-30T10:41:00.000-07:00

Relax, it's just an Umbrella...

Who needs sleep...

2005-04-30T09:52:00.000-07:00

I aparently don't. Five weeks of Aristotle and Kant, plus a smidge of Hawthorne, and not a single night spent staying up all night listening to records, talking absolute shit, smoking cigarettes or driving amlessly through empty pre-dawn streets, coughing up laughter, waving at road signs, or cursing the sand im my mouth. Not at least, until last night, but now the cigarettes are gone, replaced with a tall glass of water, the records are still spinning however. Yume Bitsu, is good rainy saturday morning music. the new Time Lag Compilation, is getting heavy rotation, but next up is Ghost, snuffbox imanence.
I can see people moving around on the TV but that's only on TV, nothing here is moving except my fingers, and occasionally my jaw as it chews up my toungue on it's own volition. the shades are drawn down, down almost to the bottom, but if had drawn them down all the way, they would have crushed A.'s Jade tree, and that would have made me cry. So istead, there is half light, and there is a wonderfull feeling that it'll do for now.

Get the headphones out

2005-04-29T21:06:00.000-07:00

So here is the Album of the week, if not month (year?) - The Sunset Tree, probably the most intimate Mountain Goats release... ever, and that's saying quite alot concidering their last release. Where he's usually dropping galloping tales of acid slinging highschool football stars, marginalized culture junkies, and lovers on the run from, well, themselves - he instead decides to turn his literary razor on his own wrists and lets go with a warm salty tourent of childhood trauma and solace in innocent sex and stereo headphones. Heartbreaking stuff, and i would imagine for some this album will hit a bit to close for comfort.

2005-04-29T20:39:00.000-07:00

The elusive dancing window fairy

2005-04-28T14:02:00.000-07:00

Here i is

2005-04-28T13:55:00.000-07:00

Me and A surviving nuclear fallout

So much for Friendster

2005-04-28T13:40:00.000-07:00

I've decided to move my blog to Blogger cause Friendster is going down the shitslide - i'm gonna try to move my posts and pictures here but chances are it won't work very well.